Infertility, Single Parenting, and the Modern Woman

June 24, 2017

First Comes Love…….then comes marriage, then a baby in a baby carriage, right? So what happens if you don’t meet the right person to marry and then have kids? What if you want to have a baby and your biological clock is thundering in your head?

First Comes Love is probably the sweetest, and saddest, documentary you’ll ever hope to see. It details the struggles of filmmaker Nina Davenport, and her desire to have a child in her 40s. Though she had tried to find the right “one” it just never happened for her, so she finally decided to have a child on her own terms because she wanted one so desperately.

What is most compelling about this documentary is the reality behind today’s “modern” families. Nina, along with several other girlfriends, just plain get tired of waiting for the the “right guy” to come along, so they use modern-day science to reproduce. Nina decides to use sperm from a gay friend, and her single friends help her through the process of hormone shots, pregnancy, birth, and then ultimately to raising her child.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of it – the whole story was really compelling because it is just so real! Nina has arguments with her family about having a child out of wedlock and essentially without a father (as her gay friend reluctantly agrees to the use of his biological material but ultimately no parenting responsibility). Her mother passes away before she gets pregnant, and her father is overwhelmingly unsupportive of this decision, among others. The best part is watching the relationship Nina has with her friends – wow, what an amazing group! Truthfully, I found myself a little jealous of these friends. There is really nothing they won’t do to support her, protect her, guide her, and provide friendship and ongoing support right from the start, including the arduous delivery of her child!

I highly recommend this documentary because it will remind you of your own family and its own fault lines as well as the love we all get from our families. It will remind you of the love and support we all need from our friends. And it will remind you of the love you got as a child and hope to pass on to your own children (or nieces and nephews, cousins, etc.) Although it is rough and sad in parts, it will charm you to your core.

I admire Nina for the love she showed for a child she hadn’t met yet. She loved him long before he was conceived. And, in spite of the many challenges of single parenting, her obvious complete devotion to him is absolutely amazing. She’s an excellent example of female empowerment and in doing it the way she wants, when she wants. Good job lady. I wish you every success on your filmmaking crew, and I particularly hope you prove your dad wrong. You are doing it right and should be commended for your spirit and for speaking your truth.

1 Corinthians 16:14 (NRSV):  Let all that you do be done in love.

Serve all with love.

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